Esther Velez

by Esther Velez (May 2014)

We’ve never seen the stars,
only towering illuminated buildings
cutting through the dark horizon,
and cell phone towers blinking red and white.
We’ve made our own stars.

We’ve never seen God,
only broken people, staggering,
fighting for peace, a light in the dark,
and the need for an answer, a reason for hope.
We’ve made our own gods.

But I believe you will find me
More than anyone you will find me
I believe you are listening
More than anyone you are listening

I have seen the stars
Blinking in and out behind clouds
as they illuminate the hills,
and cutting through the dark horizon.
I have seen the stars.

I have seen God,
Not a man, but His hand on his sheep,
Stretching over my life, changing,
And the lives of those who seek, reshaping
I have seen God.

And I believe You will find me
More than anyone You will find me
I believe You are listening
More than anyone You are listening

I have seen God.

by Esther Velez (2014)

It's just a mechanical transportation method. 
It's a four door, five seater, six cylinder gas eater. 
It's been owned before but it's really not yours, it's your parents car. 
They let you use it whenever
So long as you bring it back before eleven. 
Your mom put a sticker on the back window
Of a yellow paw print.
And every time I see the paw print, my heart jumps. 
Every time I leave my house I look for that paw print,
For the hope that wherever I'm going,
You'll be there. 
But you never are. 

In this moment, it becomes more than a car.
It's a beacon of hope,
That you'll be where I'm going
And we can have a connection. 
You can break into my present
And we can share it, even if for a second
So we can say that we're connected. 
But it's been five years and 
you are
never 
where I'm going.

by Esther Velez (May 2018)

This is what a nightmare is:
To laugh with the ones you love
To look into their eyes
But now it’s not a face you know
It’s a stranger

And this is what living is:
You said we’d never see you again
But you’re everywhere
In the songs I love
In the things I say
In the back of my mind

Why can’t I wash free the stain of you?
You’re a tangled shadow I can’t escape
And a fading moment I can’t erase.

When will we ever be free of you?
You’re in the memories I can’t change
And the ones I want to keep the same.

This is what a nightmare is:
To walk with the ones you love
To look into their eyes
But now it’s not a face you know
It’s a stranger
A cruel stranger

If this is a nightmare
And I forget when I wake up
And things go back to how they were
Does that leave her there?
Where she can’t wake up?
And things are back to how they were?

If I go back to being in the dark
Does that mean she has to stay there?

by Esther Velez (2017)

Written for the concept album Free by Josiah Velez

Is this when I lose my faith?
I want to believe but I still want to see
Was I better off in chains?
You say that I'm free but I'm lost in this sea

Why'd you turn your back on me?
The world could fade away
But you would never leave me
So why did you leave me?

I was safe in your arms
You answered when I called
But when I cry out into the darkness
All I hear is silence

Hear me when I cry out here
Before I die out here

When the sky falls
When the sun fades
When the world ends
When it's remade
Will it all end?

by Esther Velez (August 23, 2022)

Ms. Cohen and her thematic earrings that were different each day. 

Ms. Worter and the potato latkes. 

Ms. Fischer and the silhouette portraits. 

Ms. Adams and her purple Mustang. 

Ms. Estro and the coffee spilled on our math homework. 

Ms. Stublick and the story of when she found her birth parents. 

Ms. Callicia and the shoe box dioramas. 

Mr. Kimmel and the lecture about me talking too much in class. 

Ms. Serelko and the lecture about me not talking enough. 

Coach Dodd and the kangaroo that kicked out his teeth. 

Mr. Vidaña and the time he told me that when I write he can hear my voice.